Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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