I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
