how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
