worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
