as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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