Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
