smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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