i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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