I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
