there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
