Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
