Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
