I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
