I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
