i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
