he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
