she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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