STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
