dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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