but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize