I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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