I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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