I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize