He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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