He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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