last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
