sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize