I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
