If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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