I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
