Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
