What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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