Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
