He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
