your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
