her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
