bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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