there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
