I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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