If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
