hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
