get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
