dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
