i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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