I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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