Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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