Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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