Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
