Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
