oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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