as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
