so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
