two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
