i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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