I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
