Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
