I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
