And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
