Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
