Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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