it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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