Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
