I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
