All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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