I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
