He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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