I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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