sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
