Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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