remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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