He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
