My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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