We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
