Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
