Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
