hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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