You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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