I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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