Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize