Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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