You smell like stripper and shame
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
