Define "chronic" masturbator.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
