i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
