she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize