Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
