She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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