is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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