as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
