I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
