Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
