On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
