She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
