i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
