Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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