Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
