she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
