Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
